I’ve Moved

If you still want to follow the exploits and ideas of Kyle Brogan, a.k.a. Brandon Karratti, then you’re welcome to the new blog site – www.karratti.com.

I’m moving all the posts and pages there from this site, so everything will still be there, but I be leaving Unfocused Productions. Thanks for reading, and hope to see you at the new site!

Techno-Tourette’s

I play video games.  A lot.  Quite possibly too much.  I think my favorite ones are those that really challenge some thought and make you look at things in a different perspective.  A game with a really powerful and engaging story, or with unbelievable gameplay, or the ability to really lose yourself into another “world” for a while really tend to catch my attention.  For me, gaming is all about the experience.  When friends are over, we play Rock Band, or Buzz, or even (surprisingly awesome) Little Big Planet.  Those are games that I don’t often play by myself, simply because it’s about the experience with the friends that are over that make the games enjoyable.  I truly wish there were more games like that, instead of just leaving multiplayer to online-exclusives.

For my own solo experiences, though, it’s a different kind of experience.  I gauge the quality of a game based on how hard it is for me to put it down.  But also by how easily it is for me to go crazy over something that looks to be beyond my control, in which I can perceive a gaming flaw.  In NCAA Football, it’s when I’ve got a defensve line of rock-solids and the halfback is able to run right through them because of the animations that force my guys just slightly to the wrong areas.  In NBA Live, it’s when I get forced out-of-bounds by an animation, or get locked onto the offensive player against my will.  Blitz: The League, when the computer has my guys slipping all over the field while the opposing team is playing like the Niners in the Joe Montana era.  In Grand Theft Auto, when I have to wait an hour to kill the guy I’ve been chasing, even though I’ve been able to make the shot the entire time.  In fighting games, its when the computer can do a million moves flawlessly while any normal person would make at least a couple mistakes, especially when some of those moves are physically impossible to duplicate (the Guile Sonic-Boom to Flash Kick comes to mind from my nostalgic days of SNES gaming.)  It’s in Call of Duty when a grenade lands next to me, but the indicator fails to tell me until the nano-second before it blows up, killing me.  (But that one could be that I’m no the greatest FPS player in the world.  <grin>)  In racing games, it’s when you manage to get ahead by a lap and the rubber-band AI always brings the competitor into supersonic speeds to keep the race “competitive.”   These kinds of things seem to happen all the time.

Each time something like that happens, I tend to suffer from a strange malady that I’ve termed “Techno-Tourette’s Syndrome”, or TTS.  Now, while this follows more the pop-culture definition of Tourette’s, namely, that it follows more closely to Coprolalia, all I know is that these particular situations make me want to spout such a string of profanities that even a muleskinner would hang his head in shame.  I get angry, frustrated, and don’t want to play anymore.  The reason?  Because it feels like there’s nothing that I can do about it.

I used to train in boxing, once upon a time.  When I went sparring, our intention wasn’t to hurt each other, but when something came up, we took care of it in the ring.  We played by the rules, and then left it there.  You spent yourself in that ring.  The only one that you had to worry about failing was you, because as long as the other guy played by the rules, you knew that it was an even match.

I used to swim for my high school team.  All that mattered was who got to the finish line first.  Everything was on you to push yourself, because the guy next to you was going to do the same thing.

In any competitive sport that I’ve played, you play by the rules, and if you then lose, well you knew that you put everything in there that you could, so that was it.  There was no wondering if the other team cheated, because there was a ref, or at least the players would notice.  Cheating was not allowed.

But while playing video games, there is no ref.  All there is is the gamer’s perception, and more often than not gamers notice a lot more than developers seem to want to give them credit for.  We notice when there is an invisible “line” that we have to cross in order for all the bad guys to appear.  We notice when the monsters just appear out of nowhere in an endless supply.  We notice when you change the rules on us, or only apply rules to us, and no one else in the game.  And things like that don’t make us happy.  Instead, it gives us TTS.

I don’t know the answer, but I suspect that it relates to the fact that I don’t like it to feel like I’m being cheated, and there’s no one to take the slack when I feel that way in a video game.  If I’m playing a board game, and I realize that the person next to me is cheating, then I call them out, and they get to live with those consequences.  In sports, the ref metes them out.  But in video games, I hand over 50+ dollars to play a game, only to have it cheat, and I have nothing I can do at it but swear at the screen for ten minutes straight, frustrated out of my mind.

Such is why I installed a pull-up bar just around the corner.  When I get frustrated, I walk away a little, do some pull-ups to force the anger out of my system, and cool off.

But it makes me angry with just the fact that I have to do that at all when playing a @!$@*# #&%!*@& game.

- Kyle

Chance Encounters

Here’s a common scenario for you:  You’re walking down a hallway, or street, or a store aisle, or in the mall, or whatever venue you happen to be walking in, and suddenly see someone that you know.  Now, this isn’t someone you dislike, and don’t want to see.  This is an accquaintance or even good pal of yours that for some reason you haven’t seen in a while.  I think that all of us have those kinds of friends.

You know what Im talking about, right?  These are friends that you don’t really call, and who don’t really call you anymore, not necessarily because you don’t like them, but because your two social circles seemingly fail to intersect on any other points other than you and them.  There are certainly friends that you have a feeling are compatible with your friends, anothers that really just aren’t.  It’s a difficult-to-explain concept that anyone who has friends seems to understand completely.  It’s just one of those “social instincts” that you seem to understand.

Now, back to my scenario.

When you see this friend of yours, the two of you almost immediately are able to engage in conversation, as if there really hadn’t been much of a break.  It’s as if, no matter how long it has been between your last meeting, your conversation never really ended.  You ask about the goings-on in each other’s lives, but then you’re right back into the thick of news, giving opinions, and because you respect one another, you take each other’s words into real consideration.

Then, because one or both of you has somewhere to be, you go your seperate ways, often with the phrase “We should do something sometime” to cap off the conversation.  Now the reality is, despite whatever intentions that either of you might actually have, very rarely does either start the ball rolling to actually initiate a second meeting.  Instead, we just fall into step, into our normal routine, content with handling the day-to-day goings-on in our own lives, and we forget about that chance encounter.

But if we do that so often, then why do we even state such an intention at all?  Is it simply a part of the social norm?  Or is it just because we honestly want to follow through on those intentions, but our human weaknesses make it so that we forget, or realize that doing so is just too much work?

I don’t know.  I’m just observing here, and I don’t claim to have a solution.  But I do believe that we should really consider the things that we say, and wonder a little bit if we actually plan to do the things that we intend to do, or if we just ignore the chance encounters that we have, the opportunities to rekindle the relationships that we once had.

I’m not one to believe in fate, but I do believe in opportunity.  I believe that when a door opens for us, we should really consider taking advantage, and if there aren’t any negative consequences, then we should do it.  Life is not living unless we are striving to make it so.  Just waking up in the morning does not constitute taking advantage of the day.

Take a chance when it comes your way, because who knows?  It could be that that’s just what you needed.

- Kyle

Seeing Past Your Own “I’s”

I have a habit of wanting to write, not only when I hear about something interesting, but when I’m angry.  Whether I’m angry about life, or just angry about anything, I have this hankering to write something because I just want to get it out of my system.  Out of my head, and onto the page, so that whatever it is can be just put to rest, and I don’t really have to think about it anymore.  (Though, of course, as any writer knows, that is simply an ideal that never seems to happen.)

When this post was about to be put up, at the time I was in a particularly bad mood.  I’d been short-changed by people who I had considered as friends, whom I had taken specific time and effort to do a favor for, and so I was in a rather…  “grumpy” mood.  I had a friend with me, also in the same boat as I with regards to the situation, who can attest to how thoroughly pissed off I was.

Though I’ve since calmed down and allowed that situation simply to become diluted in my memory, (aside from the occasional inside joke between the aforementioned friend and I), it set my mind off on a course as I thought about how it truly seems to be applying to everyone around me, more and more.  It seems as though people have forgotten about who it means to be part of communities, part of friendships, or even part of the human race with regards to their fellow man.

Selfishness seems to be the common course of action, and everything seems to be about getting ahead in whatever way you seem necessary.  Manners and forethought for others are virtually a thing of the past, and I don’t think that most people notice it.  And this mindset of every-man-for-himself is so common, that when you don’t fit that mold, you’re thought of as strange, odd, and are even shunned slightly for your actions.

When you hold the door for someone as you’re about to walk in, they hesitate, unsure of what you want them to do.  When you pause to allow someone into the street who had been waiting for twenty minutes for a clear, everyone behind you starts to blare their horn, wrathfully mourning the precious four seconds that might have been better spent speeding down the two-lane street.

However, if this were limited only to strangers, it would be completely different.  I know people who I used to consider friends who have taken this same approach.  They don’t look at the world from the perspective of how actions might impact others, nor do they attempt to perceive how their actions might impact another, but instead only live to see what they can gain.

Instead of a worldview, they only see through their own “I’s”, and it bothers me a great deal.  How can you really live like that?  It sickens me that the common ideal is to simply care only for oneself, and never worry about how the things you do might impact someone else.

Myself, I’m a fiercely loyal person.  I not only welcome the opportunity to help others, but I expect them.  I look for ways to help my friends.  Anyone who has ever been to my home knows that they are welcome, that there are drinks in the fridge, and that there are spare beds in case they need somewhere to stay for the night, or even several.  They know that if there is anything that I can do to help them, I’ll be there as soon as I can, even if I have to rearrange my schedule to be there.

Though there have been times where this kind of an attitude have caused me to be taken advantage of, I still feel that it is the only way that I can morally live my life.  I was raised by my parents to serve, and to serve always.  I look out for myself, and I use my judgment, but when the chips are down, I work to be sure that my friends know they can always count on me.

I suppose that’s why it bothers me so much when others, especially those to whom I’ve shown such loyalty, don’t care enough to show me the same courtesies.  I take that kind of neglect personally, and it truly bothers me more than just about anything else.  If I care to keep you in my consideration, I would expect you to keep me in yours.  Unfortunately, that isn’t always the case.

I guess my point is this, to those of you who are still reading:  Who are you looking out for?  Is it only for yourself?  Can your friends count on you, or are you always scrambling because people can’t depend on you?

Stop just looking through the lens of your own “I’s”, and try taking a glance through someone else’s.

- K

Happily Ever Afters

I think all of us do this at some point.  For, me, it’s usually on the highway just because that’s the time when I generally am just sitting, possibly listening to music, or maybe even just sitting in the silence because you’ve listened to all that your iPod has to offer and you just need to give your head and ears a break.  (Those of you who have driven 5+ hours in a car can relate, I’m sure.)

In any case, during those times, I start to think a little bit.  My mind starts to wander from thought to thought like a feather, until I reach out and grab it and force it to focus a little.  The thing is, though, taking the time to ponder things over has always been something that has helped me, not only in my writing and creative thinking, but even just in analyzing a problem.  Or, possibly, in helping to make sense of something.

On my most recent long drive, I sat there thinking over a lot of things that have occurred to me in the past year -and-a-half.  Well, even in just the past few months things have been a little crazy.  What with a new job (read: more pay & more work), and a lot of other responsibilities, I started thinking back to when things seemed a lot simpler.

When I first arrived here in town, I literally knew no one.  I didn’t know a soul.  I had gotten a job working with youth through some contacts, and was planning on that for the summer, and then back to my hometown in the fall to start up at the community college.  I started to get to know people through work, but because of the nature of the job, friends that you made one week might be a few hundred miles away the next, so unfortunately I didn’t make a lot of lasting friendships.

However, I really liked the city, which was odd because it wasn’t really what I’d had in mind.  So, instead of going back home, I decided to stay up here and go to school instead.  The first day there, I met one of my closest friends.  The second day, I met another.  Since then, my contact list has branched out more and more, and I realize that I probably made the right decision in staying up here.

The thing is, though, is that the experiences haven’t all been good.  Some things have been pretty heart-wrenching at times, some have been trials in frustration and others have pushed me to really be more than I ever thought I would be.

As I think back over those experiences, I realize that they have been for my good, but that they haven’t concluded with the most favorable of endings.  As much as I love movies, they are truly not real life.  Movies can be judged on whether or not they are “fair” to the audience.  The audience expects it to end with all the pieces in place, and with all of the questions answered.  If not, it’s not a good movie, and we end up saying “What about this???”

To me, that roots from the fact that our own lives don’t work like that.  They violate that kind of thinking, almost at ever turn.  Despite the hardships, sometimes you don’t get the job.  Sometimes a loved-one’s death occurs for no reason whatsoever.  And sometimes she decides to leave you even though all the signs pointed in the other direction.

We live in a world where “Happily Ever After” is sought but very rarely obtained.  It’s a cruel, harsh place that will tear you apart and stomp you flat if you allow it.  But we still believe that there’s always some “thing” that is going to save us from the trials that we face, despite the fact that every time we get it, we have an empty feeling inside.

I’ve seen the recent film, “The Dark Knight”, four times already.  (I’m actually going to go and see it again tonight.)  One of the things that I love about the film, (besides Heath Ledgers unbelievable performance), is that the characters are forced to make decisions that actually impact their lives.  They are forced into situations where there may not be a happily ever after, and that can be dealt with.

When I went the third time with a friend of mine, he was really put off by the fact that it doesn’t end like the other Batman films – ie, it’s not “happy” at the end.  He was put off by the dark nature of the movie, and didn’t like it based on those grounds.  I heavily disagreed, pointing out that life can be dark, and often is.  It’s the light that we choose to shine that truly makes the difference.

Happily ever after is something that we strive for, that we work towards, and that we work on from day to day.  For us, the movie goes on past the credits, and we have to continue to live our lives.  Life can be hard, and there’s no getting around that.  But, we can make it better, and we can make it happy.  We can make our life a life worth living.

And then we might just find that “happily every after’ after all.

- Kyle